


a missing typewriter and other strange feelings

by linoone



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV)
Genre: F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, also gustav flirts entirely in movie lines, feat. the virginian wolfsnake, like a nerd, whom I love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9861599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linoone/pseuds/linoone
Summary: request: Here is a fic request for something the world needs: jacquelyn and gustav, an awful pickup line, a horrible vfd meaning, and the reptile room.





	

    “This is really a bad time, you know.”

“There rarely is a good time for affairs of the heart, Gustav. It’s better we discuss it now than let it simmer into even more awkward tension.”

“That was not what I was referring to. Though it can be applied to that as well.” The herpetological assistant in question appeared to be very much in a flurry, a phrase which hear means ‘panicking over the loss of an important object in a place as vast as the Reptile Room of Dr. Montgomery Montgomery.’ “My typewriter’s gone missing, Jacquelyn.”

“There’s always something missing, isn’t there?”

Gustav only shot a weary look her way before ducking under the research table, palming around to see if the machine had fallen by the wayside, though he was out of luck. Chewing on his lower lip in worry, he turned back to his colleague, though they were far from being only work-proximity associates.

“This is very important; my latest script for  _ I Married a Martian Invader! _ is missing with it.”

Jacquelyn stepped forward, careful not to step on the tail of the dozing anxious albino alligator-- one that was sensitive to both harsh comments and harsh sunlight; until she and her bearded associate were almost standing nose to nose, a closeness that made Gustav sympathize very much with the anxious albino alligator.

“We should look for it together then. That’s what  _ partners _ do, correct?”

Partners is a very ambiguous term, as you and I may know.

“Fine. But we have to finish this up before Monty returns.”

She nodded, resolutely. There was a strange, faraway look that appeared almost frightened on his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. He pulled away from her, turning to once more search the floors on his hands and knees. Jacquelyn soon joined him, glad she had chosen to wear trousers on this occasion.

“As I mentioned earlier, we very clearly have feelings for each other. I see no reason why we shouldn’t try to define them.”

“This is very unsavory talk, Jacquelyn.” He furrowed his eyebrows, searching thoroughly through the various barrels and sacks of reptile feed.

“Only because you’re _ frightened _ , Gustav.” A determined look crossed her features. “You and I haven’t been immune to the rumors and it only makes sense to address the elephant in the room.”

Addressing the elephant in the room does not mean there was a literal elephant in the room as Dr. Montgomery was a herpetologist, not a mammalogist, but instead refers to some big or obvious subject that is being avoided, such as one’s possible romantic feelings for a colleague or a kitchen appliance in the middle of room that has spontaneously caught on fire.

“I’d rather not.” His eyes refused to meet hers, still focused very much on the ground.

Her hand brushed over his for a few moments, causing him to immediately stand uprigh as if jolted. He soon followed, her stare not backing down for even a second.

“Why not?”

“You should be kissed and often, by someone who knows how.”

“What are you implying, Gustav?”

“I’ve no idea how to kiss anyone.”

The woman opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a finger to signal her to stay quiet. She frowned, but when he pointed, she could indeed hear something beyond the usual noises of the room, something that sounded much like the clicking of keys. Gustav’s expression turned equally determined as he followed the sound to what appeared to be a small, brown snake affectionately coiled around his typewriter, typing at a surprisingly proficient level for a creature with no arms.

“What’s it doing?” Jacquelyn whispered, more than a little perplexed that a snake would have any desire to do something as menial as type.

“It’s the Virginian Wolfsnake. Monty says to never let one in the vicinity of a typewriter.” Gustav remarked, almost thoughtfully. “Perhaps because a snake’s thoughts isn’t one to be invested in.”

The snake didn’t seem to notice as Gustav pulled the sheet off of the machine, merely typing away. His features shifted a little as his eyes scanned the paper, more than a little surprised at how poetic the writing was, especially for a reptile that mostly slept beneath a pile of leaves. 

“This is a very scathing but critical analysis of societal values and I certainly appreciate the vehement feminist details, but Monty’s orders are orders for a reason.” He handed the paper to Jacquelyn before carefully untangling the brown snake from the keys and returning it to its cage. 

“It can write in English?”

“What other language would it write in?”

She only rolled her eyes in response, setting the paper aside as he picked up his typewriter and set it aside. It’s often you may find yourself having strong feelings for someone extremely obtuse, which can be a frustrating experience much like that of searching for an important object, but as she knew, it was worth the trouble. So, she grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him into a quick kiss.

It didn’t last much longer than a few seconds, but she could only expect that from one who barely had any experience in kissing. He smiled into it, a genuine smile that she hadn’t seen since she’d arrived.

“ _ You _ should be kissed and often, by someone who knows how. I know how.”

  



End file.
